While everyone might give and receive love differently, one thing that definitely builds a stronger marriage is having deep and meaningful conversations with each other. Being fully loved, starts by being fully known. This may not come naturally for some married couples of course, but it’s never too late to start.
At our Oasis Virtual Session in March, Veron talked about how married couples can start working towards more meaningful conversations and why it’s so important. She’s also one of our contributing writers and co-founder of Oasis, and speaks from her experience as an NLP Practitioner.
We’ve summarized the key points from her session and also shared the recording below.
Communication: An expression of meanings and feelings
Understanding that communication is more than just verbal helps us appreciate this art a little more. In fact, verbal communication only takes up 7% of the pie, with vocal / tonal contributing to 38%, leaving 55% of communication, non-verbal. So the true art of communication is really one third talking and two thirds listening!
As the author of Conversational Intelligence, Judith E. Glaser says,
“Conversations are not what we think they are. We’ve grown up with a narrow view of conversations, thinking they are about talking, sharing information, telling people what to do, or telling people what’s on our minds.
We are now learning, through neurological and cognitive research, that a “conversation” goes deeper and is more robust than a simple information sharing… They evolve and impact the way we connect, engage, interact, and influence others, enabling us to shape reality, mindsets, events, and outcomes in a collaborative way…
Unhealthy conversations are at the root of distrust, deceit, betrayal, and avoidance – Which leads to lower productivity and innovation, and ultimately, lower success.”
The 3 Levels of Communication
Level 1 is transactional. It functions solely for the passing of day-to-day information.
Level 2 is positional. It’s where you share ideas and opinions. It could be about work, a movie you just watched, what you really think about current issues, etc.
Level 3 is transformational. It is when two people have a bond of trust that enables them to be open with their feelings and needs.
Improving communication in our marriage is also being aware of which level we’re at with our spouse, and knowing that as the relationship goes on, we are meant to move towards the third level.
Setting The Stage for Meaningful Conversations
Level 3 conversations don’t happen magically. It sometimes requires the stars to line up for it to happen. These “stars” are usually to do with the right timing, having a safe space, and asking permission.
Watch the video below to hear Veron expand on these areas and share her own personal experience in communicating with her husband.
Oasis Virtual Sessions always start with a sharing like this one, followed by discussions that are facilitated in smaller breakout rooms. This has provided a safe space where married women from all walks of life, in Malaysia and beyond, are able to talk and share their thoughts and takeaways from the topic at hand.
Many times, women don’t get the opportunity to have conversations like this with other women who are also on the same journey. This has been our third virtual meet so far, and we are so encouraged by the ladies who have joined us over the last three months!