I recently had an explosive fight with my husband. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does it never feels good. I end up saying the most ridiculous things sometimes. Then I feel quite silly and full of regret afterwards. C’mon, tell me you’ve been there too!
I’d like to think these are not the kind of fights where you have time to filter your words. (Who does, when they’re busy yelling?!) But, I know that probably means these are EXACTLY the kind of fights where you REALLY need to filter your words. As you can see, I fall short. Lots of room for improvement.
What we noticed though, is that every time we fight. It feels like we get a little bit better at it each time. By that I mean,
I can see we have learned that one of us has to quickly calm down, both of us now want to be the first to say sorry, and then we always make time to talk about the issue.
It wasn’t always this way.
It’s almost as if the occasional fights are actually opportunities to bond more. And when there’s time to talk and bond, a stronger sense of trust is built, which makes the mistake (or person) so much easier to forgive. (It also kinda makes me grow more in love with him and appreciate him more because I see how gracious he is. And I realise, I want to learn to be the same.)
My husband and I have very different personalities. It can sometimes be the cause of frustration that builds up to a big fight. But I see how it can also be the cause for good things.
Back to today.
When we both calmed down and after we talked things through, I sheepishly apologised again for yelling. To that he said, “It’s okay la. Sometimes we just need to get it all out.”
I also had the chance to tell him, “I love you. Even when I’m angry and when we fight, I love you.” and he said, “Me too.”
Sharing this super personal anecdote so that you know you’re not alone. And the next time you and your spouse have a fight, may it also be an opportunity to forgive well.